I dont know how to say goodbye.
i thought all this was behind me. the hurt,the anguish,the sense of betreyal.the pain of my heart breaking all over again. but i guess i was wrong.
i dont know wat to say or how.
just to come so close to a dream and watch it shatter,standing there and unable to do anything about it..
And now there are a million unanswered questions. why doesnt this misery end if i've already taken the next step ?
I've said everything in my thoughts a thousand times over yet cant to you. After all this time you arent a stranger and yet you arent mine.
And everytime i go through this,something dies inside me.Is this the love we dreamt of ? where we can't talk to each other,can't be there for each other,can't understand each other,and yet wont leave each other ?
I'm ready to take the blame a thousand times over just for one hour of respite.
Just a hint of happiness.
And i know that two years down the line, i might even be able to turn back and look at this with just a shadow of the pain i'm feeling now, but till then...
Till then...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
doggy Fever !!
I woke up to an overcast sky. Rain drizzling on cement sheets, small doggy paws making wet splats against the floor, mom screaming at them to get inside the house ,or ELSE !!
Meet nandini, sasha and mischa. The crazy three in the family. The centre of everyday chaos.
Let me give you a brief introduction. Nandini is the golden retriever, she’s 7 yrs old. Sasha the Pomeranian. She too, is 7. And then Mischa, the cocker spaniel. She’ll turn 1 on 14 feb. Yup, you read it right. Valentine’s Day. However, trust me, she’s anything BUT romantic. Or maybe she’s romantic for a dog. I really wouldn’t know.
These days Sasha and mischa are in heat. Believe me, it’s maddening. As I’m typing these words, the guard is ringing the bell to inform us that Sasha has somehow escaped from a LOCKED gate and is strolling with the local Casanova, an 13 year old bastardly lab. I wonder what they see in each other… or maybe the fragrance of hormones can move through barriers like pedigree etc...
After a lot of shouting and swearing madam is escorted back to the house, ofcourse, with the look of a scared mouse on her face. After all, she has to face mom.
So I called mom to tell her that Sasha had eloped, temporarily and is now back after a probable hush hush honeymoon. The problem is, mom is asking me to check if the honeymoon was successful.
“Does she look alright”? “Hmm… she looks fine to me... Kinda dirty” “dirty?? From where??” “Err…”
“Who saw ‘em together?” “The guard” “well, ask him then”!! “Err…”
And so the conversation went, with a lot of inputs about being more responsible towards the kids (read: dogs).
Now as I turn my head to look into the other room, I see the culprit sleeping peacefully on mom’s bed with an angelic look on her face. It’s like she almost knows what will happen when mom returns home.
Sucker.
Meet nandini, sasha and mischa. The crazy three in the family. The centre of everyday chaos.
Let me give you a brief introduction. Nandini is the golden retriever, she’s 7 yrs old. Sasha the Pomeranian. She too, is 7. And then Mischa, the cocker spaniel. She’ll turn 1 on 14 feb. Yup, you read it right. Valentine’s Day. However, trust me, she’s anything BUT romantic. Or maybe she’s romantic for a dog. I really wouldn’t know.
These days Sasha and mischa are in heat. Believe me, it’s maddening. As I’m typing these words, the guard is ringing the bell to inform us that Sasha has somehow escaped from a LOCKED gate and is strolling with the local Casanova, an 13 year old bastardly lab. I wonder what they see in each other… or maybe the fragrance of hormones can move through barriers like pedigree etc...
After a lot of shouting and swearing madam is escorted back to the house, ofcourse, with the look of a scared mouse on her face. After all, she has to face mom.
So I called mom to tell her that Sasha had eloped, temporarily and is now back after a probable hush hush honeymoon. The problem is, mom is asking me to check if the honeymoon was successful.
“Does she look alright”? “Hmm… she looks fine to me... Kinda dirty” “dirty?? From where??” “Err…”
“Who saw ‘em together?” “The guard” “well, ask him then”!! “Err…”
And so the conversation went, with a lot of inputs about being more responsible towards the kids (read: dogs).
Now as I turn my head to look into the other room, I see the culprit sleeping peacefully on mom’s bed with an angelic look on her face. It’s like she almost knows what will happen when mom returns home.
Sucker.
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